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Life can change when you aren’t even expecting it.

I hope that everyone is having a great weekend. I know that we are getting into the last few weeks of summer depending on what area you live in the world. Some might be getting ready for school to start others might be finishing the quarter or year. No matter where you are life can change. I recall last year about this time I was pondering the move to Eastern Washington. I was still nervous after being let go from the spa and unsure of what was going to be happening next in my life. These days I am realizing a lot of patterns in my life. Moving hoping for a new change, sometimes that change works other times it doesn’t.

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Photo by Markus Spiske temporausch.com on Pexels.com

When I started this post I was still waiting on a job offer to become official. Within a few weeks of moving I already started the steps of getting established in my new area. I have to say even with my anxiety I was getting things done without doubting myself as much. Which is a big improvement in my life. It reminded me of something that I have been told in my life. When you do small things others will come along. I think it all started with changing my address from the old one to the new one. The goes from letting the financial people know that you moved to the post office so you can get your mail. No problem right? Well I had to also try to remember which site does the voter’s information. It took a few days, yet once it was finished I felt a huge relief and personal adulting points to myself. Once that was done it got a little bit easier. I was lucky that I still had money to pay for bus fare. One advice I would give someone is look up about what each transit company or group does when you are traveling. It took me one trip to find out that my particular area doesn’t do paper transfer. I felt really awkward getting this news. Luckily I was ready to take care of the rest of the way. It was then that I made up my mind to research the fare system and get a new card so I wouldn’t had a repeat of that weird moment. That was the start of figuring out everything and anything I needed to know to be self confident in this new chapter of my life.

The next thing I did was find the Ridestore where I could replace my card and find out more changes with fares and how to get around town. Gradually I started making a list of things I needed to learn like where was the local mall, what stores were close by, and which routes when where. Luckily most of my answers were a click away on my phone or laptop. Another thing I found out was that I needed to gradually get more unpacked from my boxes. I than found a place that sold hangers and a great price. It soon became my go to places for groceries and everything in between. It was nice to be in an area where there was such a variety of stores. I soon found out where the mall was and got a chance to explore and window shop. Pretty soon I felt pretty confident because I had learned where I could go and what to do once I got there.

By this time it was a few weeks after I had moved in. By this time I had started going to the local Ethiopian church with my roommate. Up until this moment I hadn’t gone to church in a few months. When I was working I found that on Sundays I was either tired or decided to try a new hobby crocheting. There was a class where I could learn step by step how to crochet. My friend was studying to be a teacher and asked if I minded being her practice student. I thought about it and said sure because I needed something to help me relax after working during the week at the tax office. During the week I worked on my lessons in between my doctor appointments and work schedule and on Sundays I was showing my progress. I would post pictures on Instagram that went to my Facebook profile. I had people compliment me of my progress. One of the main reasons that I did i was because I needed something to help my hand and eye coordination and my motor skills. Reader I have to say it was difficult, yet very good once my hands started memorizing the steps. It also distracted me from my back pain that was tiring me. I realized that I could crochet a few rows and feel content to either stop or continue. In my mind I wanted to do something in case my job search bothered me because I wasn’t finding anything. It also helped me focus on helping someone else other than myself.

Now that I have moved I realized that something was still missing in my life. I was content because I had saved money from working in the Winter.


Here we are a few weeks later. I got the official word and have finished my training to be a cashier. I have been attending to church when my schedule allows me and when it doesn’t I go between a Bible Study on YourVersion and their Verse of the Day. When I can I go to event’s that the church has. I even went to a picnic which was actually really fun. It is giving me a chance to see my Ethiopian culture from an Ethiopian American’s perspective and actually people accept that.


 

Now it has been a few months since I started this post.  I have been trained and retrained at my job part time cashier position.  It has been very enlightening.  Looking back at the cashier positions I have had in the past (including the receptionist at H&R Block) this is something very different.  There is a lot to remember which can be challenging.  I also noticed that my anxiety was getting in the way of many of being able to live and do my job well.  As I was waiting to hear back for this job I went ahead and established a new medical team.  I looked to my insurance to guide me through this important task.  I was lucky that on the second try they found a nurse practitioner that was close by that I could make an appointment with.  It took a few days to make the call and schedule the appointment.  It was a very good choice and she is helping me figure out which medicines can help me not just with my anxiety and depression that spawned off from the stress I had been under.  One other things she suggested was that I should start going to therapy again so I could talk through all the things I had gone through.

It has been a few weeks since I got back on the medicine.  I have already noticed a difference in how I look at the world and it’s challenges.  One things I noticed was while I was training that my anxiety definitely got in the way of my learning how to do my job.  To be honest I was scared of failing and the lessons got blocked by these thoughts.  As much as I wanted to have a office job that would have me sitting.  Trying to find a job in that area became difficult because they wanted someone who would work full time.  So I when I got the word that this cashier position was going to the next step in the interviewing process I decided to do whatever it took to make it work.  I needed to get my foot in the door and being a cashier seemed to be the way to in.

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Whenever I see myself in a career or job position just helping people is the phrase that I keep in the front of my mind.  Everyone has their own love language and mine is serving.  I treat others the way I want to be treated.  That is with love, kindness, and respect.  This is one of the reasons that I made my Facebook Page.  I felt there needs a place where you can read something wholesome, light, and positive.  Honestly I almost quit being on Facebook.  I was not able to share my tweets or blog posts.  I also felt like I lost focus in my life.  I was seeing more negative things on my front page that it made me feel worse about myself.  So I adjusted things and decided not to shy away from social media.

In a couple weeks it will be two months since I began this post.  What are somethings that you will be seeing here (as I get time to write) are photos from my trip to Ethiopia many sunsets and places I saw while I was there.  How I am healing from my difficult life choices, and many more adventures into my creative mind.  I wish you all a great weekend and hope to see more of you on my Facebook page and Twitter.

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Quick Update From Sara.

A lot has happened since I last wrote.  One thing is that I did start a post and have yet to finish it because I got hired as a cashier.  It is something that I am good at.  Helping people by ringing up their purchases.  It’s been a few weeks now and I am learning so many new things.  I am also glad that people are friendly and helpful.

I have also try to post as much as I can on my Facebook Page.  The amount of followers has grown and that makes me so happy.  When I talk to my mother on the phone she lets me know honestly that I sound better healthy and happy.  It is true I feel pretty good.

Once I get rested and have time I will try to write again.  Until then feel free to look at past posts to see how much my year has changed.

Have a wonderful week!

How is it that we are half way through 2019?

How is it that we are half way through 2019?

It’s been a few months since I sat at my laptop to write. The last few months I was doing some reading (you can see my stats on my Twitter profile) watching videos on Prime Video, and of course my music on Amazon Music. Yes, I am learning to be an Amazon kind of gal.

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Self-care is a very important step in taking care of yourself.

This year I made a choice to come back to Western Washington. It was a long time of thinking and praying. I kept my plan of keeping offline with some pictures on Instagram of my crochet projects. I realized that a lot of things were getting tougher for me to do. I am hoping to be able to share more about this in later posts.

One of the best things I have decided to do this year joined the 52 Small Challenges on the Mighty. Each week I have been posting new things I have done on my profile to help me take care of myself by using self-care topics posted weekly. I usually have a hard time keeping up with things. I either get distracted by things or forgetful. I have had to learn to feel guilty if I forget to post things during the week and post on a Sunday. The best part that everyone has been very helpful and kind with their suggestions. One of the things I have discovered is that I have been worrying about what people think and forgetting about how it makes me feel. This was one of the reasons I didn’t write for a long time. I felt guilty for not keeping up with my writing. I suddenly realized that maybe I was zapping my energy worrying about others that I could have used that to make a difference or write about it.

In May I spent a lot of time going to doctors and specialists trying to figure out why my back was still hurting. I started to learn how to take the bus between my area and Spokane. The medical specialists couldn’t quite understand from the x rays why the pain was switching back and forth. Upon a suggestion from my PCP, I started seeing a scoliosis specialist who helped people with severe scoliosis. I suddenly found out that scoliosis that I had back in junior high didn’t go away. Actually, the metal rods in my spine attached to my spine were still there. As I grew in the last 20 some years my body tried to adjust to the condition. Partially I wanted to cry because nobody explained to this to me. I would take some Ibuprofen or Tylenol to help with the pain that would occur. What I was soon discovered that scoliosis never left my body. The rods would help, but that it would be a life long condition that I would need to learn how to do exercises to help with the pain.

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What it looks like when I make up my mind to do something.

The specialist that my doctor has recommended me to see was a Pilates instructor who herself had severe scoliosis (the new diagnosis for me). So while I waited for the referrals to go through (which could take a long time) I decided to make an appointment with the said specialist. I have to tell you it was relieving to find someone who not only knew what they were talking about, yet could also explain to me why my body was acting in ways that were totally new to me.

So for several weeks I would travel by bus to this appointment and do exercises at home. I tried to educate myself and learn things I hadn’t known about like why my feet would stick out in a different direction while I walked. I also gave myself a break and rested more. I hadn’t realized that my left side of my body was literally trying to balance the rest of me and in short, it got very tired. That explained why I was more tired than normal. I had been eating and increased my water intake. Adding my flavors to water and drinking from my Starbucks 16 oz container. It started getting to be normal and felt a little better.

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The steps you take so you can feel okay.

While on my break I decided to weed through my comment sections. Someone actually said that they were disappointed and wished they hadn’t read the post that they were commenting on. Others were saying that I was trying to get attention. This was after I made a video and published my last post. My heart broke and I started to doubt my writing skills. Then suddenly one really caught my eye. They said that I should go ahead and take a break and write when I felt like it. That was when I realized that wasn’t a bad idea.

It was about that time that I was looking and planning on my move. I decided to spend time with my cousin and her daughter. This sweet young girl was a God sent. Once school was done she and I got to spend some bonding time. I set aside my writing, reading, and other activities that I thought were important at the moment. She taught me the fundamental thing about being a person. Having fun. I set aside the scarf I was crocheting for her and traded it in for some modern (for me mind you since it has been ages since I played a video game) video games. I was learning how to use a Wii. Mind you I have only heard of this game player and not actually used it. Boy did I get an education! We started with Zelda and then a game about Smash Brothers. I didn’t know what I was doing. I just pressed the keys and just squealed with delight. My character was jumping doing martial arts moves and actually beating the computer. It was fantastic! I felt like a little kid again. My young teacher was squealing with me every step of the way and complimenting my moves. “How did you do that Aunt Molly?” I would shrug my shoulder and sheepishly smile. I was just having fun and I loved it. I could adjust a pillow against my back and relax and try to figure things out. When it was her turn I would just watch her and compliment her each round. She was training me to live at such a young age. I loved her for it.

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Go Aunt Molly Go!

Well, it has been a few days since I started this post. I was just looking through it on my Chrome browser and saw the animation of the photos. I felt pretty good about myself. It is as if part of me is coming back to life. And the emoticon Molly looks awesome if I don’t say so myself. I decided to make a new Facebook Page since that is the few ways that I could publish my posts on Facebook. Well, the thing is that I was going back and forth with my Instagram account making it business or personal. I thought sure why not and of course it gave the page as an option. So I told myself okay try it again only this time take your time and learn about it not just put things on. In fact, I thought if I started sharing pictures and posts of pages that I felt were close to how I felt that would be a good way to go.

Now that I am getting settled in I figured between reading the books on my Kindle app and watching videos on my Prime Video App I could get a chance to write out my thoughts and sharing it with my readers. It was also a big reason why I went ahead and created the Sara Gamachu page on Facebook. I felt it was time to come out of the shadows of fear. My dreams are to someday be an inspirational speaker. I also want to create a safe place for people to talk about what’s on their hearts. For the single parents who are taking care of their children. For the grandparents who might be raising their grandchildren so their children can go back to school or make ends meet. For the people who are helping those with special needs. Caregivers family members, and everyone in between. I want you to know you are not alone!

Where I have been and how far I have come.

Where I have been and how far I have come.

4 Weeks ago I started working my part-time seasonal Customer Service Professional position at H&R Block. There are times that I compare myself to Cinderella. The girl who left her glass shoe behind her at the ball and wondering if she would see her prince again. That might sound cliché, yet in my life, it seems true.

A few weeks before I began working I celebrated a milestone (according to LinkedIn). I had been a blogger on WordPress for many years. I have to say that is something that I cherish. The thought of being able to tell my story and give a peek into my life can be scary, yet inspiring. Each post I write, share, or give my side of the story is something that others need to know. I am not just a girl who traveled abroad just on a fancy. Sometimes I wish it was the reason. No, I had to heal and learn from my life journey. I am a daughter, a sister, a cousin, a niece, and above all a mother. Sure I don’t get to hear or see my son. But that is how my blogging life started. A mother trying to figure out parenthood while she knows how to help children. I have to say it has been quite a journey.

My son is now in elementary school. When I do get pictures or news I cherish it like it is a gift wrapped in shiny paper with an easy to unwrap bow. I have to say to the reader 9 years has been a long time. Out of those 9 years, I was traveling 4 or 5 of them. Yep, that is a long time. I keep thinking someday he might find this and be in awe of this mother or wonder who she was. I never stopped loving him. In fact, when we did visit on Google Hangout I was taking pictures never knowing if the internet access in Ethiopia would drop and it would be a long time before I would see him again. Sadly that was exactly what happened. A combination of really rainy weather, network inaccessibility, and not to mention that darn electricity that rolled around until my heart broke each time it displayed an error of some sort. I couldn’t tell you how many times I would run my room and cry. Occasionally a muffled scream could be heard. That was my trying to keep my cool, yet finally felt conflicted that this young child would not see his mother. I didn’t care if people gave me strange looks. I constantly would ask if this was normal and would things get better.


For many weeks I made a choice to you less and less of social media. In my mind, I realized how in past jobs I was not able to balance my online and real life. So after a strong suggestion from my parents, I dug my internal heels in and dieted my social media intake. It started with hiding the apps on my phone and then trying to take them off altogether so I wouldn’t be tempted. I then replaced them with things that would help me focus and relax. I have to say it was very hard to do. But in the meantime, I felt less distracted with what was happening in that part of my life. It was incredible because I was doing so much more at work and focusing on my responsibilities. In one month (as of today 2/21) I have received compliments from my boss, fellow coworkers, and even others that I was doing my job very well.

Occasionally I am asked what I will do after the tax season finishes. Honestly, I haven’t really thought about it. I just focused on what is in front of me. Getting that appointment scheduled, confirmed, and move on to the next task on hand. I have found out in the past when I try to plan ahead something gets in the way like for example the winter weather we have been having taken the wind out of me (no pun intended). Normally I could schedule in my therapy appointment and be able to walk there. Sadly the layers of snow had been dumped that plan. I am talking more than 2 layers. Since I am not used to it I am prone to slipping or sliding around in my winter boots.


Who knew that writing could take so long. I don’t want it to be perfect. I just want it to flow out of my mind smoothly. Since I began writing this piece I have received so many comments that my blog has reached many people. The compliments bring me joy and peace.

During the week I am Molly, the Customer Service Professional, then on my weekends I am recharging my batteries and dabbling into my creative side. My new thing is crochet. I started learning back in September and now taking weekly lessons on Sundays. My mind is picking up on the twisting and turning that my fingers work with the hook. I am creating a portfolio with photos of my projects and lessons.


Here I am several weeks later trying to finish this post. I gave myself some time to finish my job so I could complete it as well as I began it. It is true I had a history of attempting to be both a blogger/writer, family member, and whatever I might be at the moment. When I first got the job several people reminded me about how I wasn’t able to balance the real world with the working world. As annoying as it was to hear this I realized that maybe this time they were right. I would post things on Instagram that was shared to Twitter and Facebook. I would do short random updates, yet kept my nose to the stone doing my best to make this job a stepping block in my journey of getting my feet on the ground. That first week I walked to work in a hurry with excitement and nervousness.

The first few days went really well. I was kind of surprised how well things were going. It wasn’t that I was not confident with my abilities more like I was waiting for the other shoe to drop. I had just moved to the town a few months before and once I felt comfortable and settled I began to start applying to jobs that were in the area and in positions that could picture myself in. Target, McDonald’s, Safeway, and a few local places in Cheney. As many online applications went out not as many responses were coming back to me. I started wondering what could be the problem. I went as far as did research on taking the bus, Uber, and Lyft as my sources of transportation. I wasn’t a college student and was willing to work weekends while hoping for Sundays off at least to make things work in my favor.

As the holidays came by I was starting to get depressed. I would get emails back saying that I didn’t match what they were looking for. I started to wonder what exactly they were looking for especially during the Christmas season starting up. I finally saw a position at the local H & R Block. At first, I thought it was too good to be true. Part-time, check, in the area, double-check, and it was temporary. Perfect and it was within walking distance of my apartment so I would be able to get to and from without too much issue. Even if it snowed I didn’t foresee that much problem. I applied and within a few days, I got a calling for a phone screening about the position.


Now it has been two weeks since I completed my job. I have to say I felt very satisfied yet overwhelmed after working an average of 23 hours a week or so depending on the workflow. When I explain my job I compare it to the holiday season yet with more involved in it. Especially during the last week. I actually had to send clients to another location since we were fully booked. I was asked a few times what I would do once the tax season was over. My response was to sleep and recharge my batteries. My cousin had invited me over to stay with her which I took up within 3 weeks before my final date. I missed writing on my blog and just getting so much done in that area. I did admit to people that I was a blogger. They had the familiar look of what do you write about. I smiled and replied living with ADD, dealing with PTSD, and whatever else might be on my mind at the moment. I wasn’t sure if I saw awe or shock in their eyes. Yes, there is a different Molly than the person that kept their appointments updated weekly.

Now as I look back on my 2019 so far I realized how much stronger I was than I thought. I dealt with clients that spanned from the nicest people you could meet to those who I managed to keep content by making conversation during their wait time. Imagine one person in the front with two to three tax professionals in an office five days week (which was my workload). I was a rock star as many people described me. I also realized that putting yourself in someone else’s shoes can help in so many ways.

So now you might be wondering what is next for Mahlet Sebhat. Well, honestly I am not sure. You see during that first week I slipped on ice and hurt my back. I am not sure if I have written about having back surgery when I was 12 years old. I had a severe case of scoliosis and I had 2 metal rods inserted into my back to help correct or help my back. Well, this fall I had left me with a sorer than ever spine. Within a week I went to the clinic and saw a doctor. The doctor prescribed me some muscle relaxers and wanted me to do physical therapy. Well in March in between my work schedule I was doing physical therapy twice a week. We have come to see that my left side where the main tends to have not been healing as fast as my right side. I had noticed this whole time the pain would switch between the two sides. Also when I was stressed my back took the brunt of it. This week I am going to see my doctor again for a follow-up appointment hoping she will refer me to a back specialist so we can see what exactly is happening in my back whether it is muscle related or something else.

I started crocheting because I needed something to help me relax on the weekends. Since January I have been taking weekly lessons to build this skill. I have posted pictures on my Instagram profile of my progress. I figured I needed a new skill in between jobs. I also have been doing meditations using the Calm app. It has been something I started using when my anxiety was starting up. I recently broke up with my therapist because I wasn’t getting a lot of use and appointments just got to be hard to schedule or being kept. It was the hardest decision to make because I felt guilty about not being able to keep an appointment and then having get canceled when I do finally get it made. I averaged 7 appointments since October. See that is not exactly something I could understand. I stared seeing her in October and here it was March into April and things just were not feeling right. Another decision I made in the beginning of January was to join the 52 weeks self-care challenge on the Mighty website. I was tired of not being able to see my therapist and not sure what to help myself take care of well myself. That was how it started. We are into our 17th week and boy it has been something. I have come to see myself in a different way. How to take care of little things to help me in a big way has been a goal I had for 2019.

One last thing I am going to give a huge shout out to myself…. I am turning 40 on Saturday. This is huge because well getting this far has been tough. Dealing with anxiety, depression, and PTSD has been rough on my nerves. Standing up for myself has been harder. The goal of Starting Over 2013 was a way to explain life after not just my divorce, but healing from a relationship that left me emotionally and mentally wounded from words that hurt like hell. Many people tell me I went through hell and fire to get this far. It is true.

Stay tuned for more from Mahlet Sebhat aka Sara Gamachu.

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Sharing: Stop Apologizing For Acting Clingy — Thought Catalog

I feel like this might help others.  It spoke to me.  I know that I have apologized several times for being so caring.  How many others can understand how this feels?

Sara

Caring is not a crime. Getting attached easily is not a sign of a weakened heart. You should be proud of your vulnerability. After everything you have gone through, it would be easier for you to say screw love, screw forever, screw happily ever afters. But you have not done that. You are still wearing your heart…

via Stop Apologizing For Acting Clingy — Thought Catalog