More thoughts from Molly.

I realized somethings from the post that I wrote earlier on my other blog .  For example I have watched the first episode of the second season of Agents of Shield on Netflix.  The character of Fitz was going through a new stage in his life.  He had begun stuttering and trying to find words and Simmons character was helping him.  It than shocked me… I was watching myself after I had gotten back into society.  I was trying to find the words to describe my life before and during my trip.  I was telling my friend about little bits and pieces of what I saw just so she could understand what I was coming from.  I was Fitz and he was my hero!

I originally wanted the title for the post to be Like a child inside of a candy store.  Because lately I have tried so many different things and in time my body got so overwhelmed by the new sights and sounds that it needed to figure out how to let it melt into my body and senses.  Cheese, salad dressing, and flavored water just to name a few came into my reach.  On a weekend that I visited my family I got a small container of Tillamook Ice Cream Sweet Cream flavored.  It was so good that I ate the whole thing in one sitting.  These were things that I had been missing and began enjoying immediately.  In my mind I was afraid I would not get a chance so I went ahead and in my ice creams case gobbled it up.

That is why I wanted to write this morning.  To let people into my world and see how my healing process in action.  Plus I have started sharing some of the pictures from my trip on Instagram that immediately shows on my Facebook page and Twitter.  It has given me the chance to show the world these new skills that I am using to explain what is in my mind, heart, and soul.

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The safety of my blog.

My blog gets me.  It truly does.  It celebrates with me silently as my Twitter followers grow.  Last year I was hoping and praying that some change would come. I worked hard to promote and do what I couldn’t do in the current environment.  Make a name for myself. I dreamed of exporting my first blog over to this one so I wouldn’t feel guilty of writing on this one instead of that one.  Alas that isn’t happening soon.  Oh well at least I tried.

I like my new medical team that is building itself around me.  Going to see a counselor would help me deeply with things.  I openly write and talk about my anxiety, depression, and stress.  They are my strengths that make me want to make myself better, they are my weaknesses when I can’t understand things as they seem harder, they are my tools when things are confusing.  They are a part of me that will ultimately change my whole being.

I have watched a whole season of Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.LD. on Netflix.  I decided if I need to understand the empowerment thing I need to watch it in action.  So far I am relating to most of the characters in some shape or form.  If I can achieve May than I think that would be a breakthrough.  I was not happy with how Ward’s character has turned on the team.  It leads me to wonder if that is how some people are in real life.  Do they want to seem like they love or care about you but just end up hurting you?  Something to think about reader.

I have been reading Kimberly Rae Miller’s Coming Clean on my Kindle App.  Oh sister can you read my mind.  I feel like she is speaking to me in a way I can totally understand.  Reader I occasionally per take the thought that I help so many, but unsure about helping myself.  Will my tombstone read “She loved too much.”  If so what kind of life is that.  Posting on my blog is a way I can communicate my thoughts without fear.  It is also giving permission to my silent ADD to give it a chance to speak its mind and say things I would never think about saying out loud.  I even had someone question me about if I had it.  My answer was I recalled getting diagnosed in my early twenties.  The energy that goes through me and comes out when I get too excited now that is my tool of ADD.

My dream someday is write a book or e-book that tells how I have made a difference in my life by beating the odds that have been set in front of me.  If I can make some money that would be fun.  Until then I have the safety of my blog to share my adventures and slowly recover all that life throws at me.

 

The end… for now.