Low Batteries, Distractions, and just being different.

I just have so much to I want to say and well only, so much time before my distractions come to my mind. Distractions like the power going out on my laptop 31% right now, like my body being tired this week (got to love that), and of course ideas in my head that needs to be narrowed down. I decided not to feel guilty for not exercising this week. The rainy season is getting closer and the clouds are giving us a nice preview of what is to come. This will be my second or third rainy season. I pretty much have my routine down stay inside and keep dry. Yeah it is that kind of weather. I thought Seattle was rainy and the South was even hotter. Here in Africa it is a mixture of both and its only March. I have a couple months before the real rain starts. I am going to try hard to stop apologizing when I get distracted in my writings. It is as if my brain keeps saying, “Add a little here and that will flow just right.” Yep that is my mind for you. Wow already used 5% in just this paragraph. At least I got that much out. As I was saying, I am very proud of myself for going three weeks of walking. I think I wanted to challenge myself to see if I could do it. I have had compliments from my parents saying that it was a good change. I kept thinking I was doing it for my son. I had to get better. I had to do things that normally I did not want to do. Sure, I wished that I were in a gym somewhere walking on the machines and listening to my favorite music. I even dreamed that I was using the step machine. I thought each time that I am doing my best I am getting closer to going home. Phew, I only had to pause for a few minutes to wait for the power to return. It was at 20%, which means that it could go at any time after that.

I wanted to do a post about disabilities. For me it is a very serious matter. When I see people not getting the proper help that they need it really annoys me. When I see my mother in pain for various reasons, I get upset. I try not to show it in my face, but it is there. I listened to Joni E. Tada’s Place for Healing this week. I wanted to draw inspiration for what I felt needed to be said for those with a handicap. There are days I want to stand up and say they are people you know! My mother, bless her heart, was diagnosed with Polio at a young age. My grandmother went against the flow and sent mom to school. No child of hers was going to be a beggar on the road (that was what usually happens to anyone handicapped). I have seen my mother go from being a substitute music teacher to a school of elementary students to being a counselor at that same school. I grew up watching her put on her brace and become the wise woman that her community needed. When I was young, I learned to stand on my tippy toes and reach things that she could reach. I grew up knowing that she was not going to give up on me even in my darkest days. Since we have come to Ethiopia I have seen her actually slow down. Not that she wants to… no way not by a long shot. All the years that she strapped herself into her brace, got on her scooter, pushed around in her wheelchair, and on her sprinted like a rabbit on her power chair. Sure, all of these tools made her a very fast person. For several years, she would not let her complications get in her way of living an extra ordinary life. As she has gotten older, her body just is not as built as it used to. I am proud of her for deciding to retire at this stage in her life. Now she is trying to help the next generation not fall into the cracks that she could have tumbled into. I am glad that she has taken me under her wing and taught me that if I put my mind to it I can change my life and others.

For the month of March, I wanted to really challenge myself into getting back on my feet. I wanted to exercise not because I had to… but because I needed to. I am making myself read books that will help me find my identity that I have lost for so many years. A few days ago, I chose to reread Journey’s Through ADDulthood by Sari Solden. I have to be honest. I am terrified to be on my own. I did not exactly do a good job when it was just my son and I. No, I did an amazing job. I proved to myself that I could be a good mom and be there for my son. Even with the stress of becoming a single mom, I tried to keep my head on straight. I was the kind of mom who would call the school to check on how my son was doing. I am lucky that the staff understood my situation and was willing to help me nurture my son’s needs at the time. As I look back at the pictures, I have taken and saved over the years it reminds me how much I did my best to make my son’s life comfortable. Sure, I was not the greatest cook, but I tried to make meals as creative as I could. He had a tasty Fruit flavored Soy Milk shakes in the morning before he went to daycare. I had peanut butter snacks ready for him when he got home. I would rent a movie we both would like and watch it on Friday nights after a long week of work and school. I gave him lots of hugs and kisses each night and we would snuggle on the couch until he fell asleep. Those are some of my good memories of being a mom.

It has taken me almost a week to write this post. It is not as perfect as I wanted it… but I remind myself that I can grow onto it in my future posts. Getting things typed out on the computer helps me drain the thoughts in my head. I try not to be Type A personality. I just have to do the best I can to make at least a dent in my life. Sometimes I feel like God is filing me around the edges so I can be a treasure to him. There is more to me readers than just a pretty face. I have a mind that likes to stand up for others who might be feeling let down by life. Trust me I understand that. Well that is all for now. I am signing off for a day or two. Have to get my creative juices refilled.