I started this a few days ago and decided to just put it on hold for when I could write it the only way I could or would be able to.
A year ago I was walking around my little walkabout in Holeta wondering what it would be like to get back to the States. I kept reminding myself that yes it could happen. Just didn’t know when. I knew I would have some hurdles to jump over like where would I stay, what would I do, and mainly how to get the help that I need. I knew from past experiences that ADD was my friend and Stress and Anxiety were my reminders. They were like sisters that wanted to help me but needed to be provided in the right direction. Yes, they reminded me of what I could and could not do. They also taught me how to dream. All the things I could wish to do like cook, take care of myself, and naturally see my son again in some way.
Since then I took my steps towards my healing. Getting signed up for help from the State to get food, medical, and other things I didn’t even think of. I then enrolled in a job training program that helped awaken my retail memories in various steps. After the few jobs that I have had this year, I realized something. I was not the type that could sell things. I could suggest them and give tips. I was more comfortable being the support staff. At the spa, I realized the scanning information became something I could do. Entering the information was another thing that gave me joy. “Would you like tea or water?” Making the coconut water in the morning went from a step by step motion to something that became naturally.
Now I am back at my drawing board deciding what my next venture would be. I knew for sure a desk job would be ideal. Work in an office environment would be wonderful because I would be using my office skills. My Worksource case manager and several others are giving me lead on where to apply. I am just thinking through and picturing myself in each scenario to see if it would be the right place for me.
If there is one thing about me that you might have noticed is that I don’t give up so easily. I may take time to think (or over-think I admit) things through. It would save me and others time to make sure the choice is a right one.
She looked at her life and all the milestone. Turned each rock down her mental beachside as the waves kissed her feet.
She couldn’t see the memories but felt them tugging at her heart. She cried out “Grandmother, Chewake how did you stay strong?” Then felt her spirit embrace her. Don’t worry little one. You will grow strong. He knows you love him. He will come running back to you as he did as a child. I silently wept back physical and internal tears. I will be strong. I will carry on. My grandmother did and so will I.
I have put mahaleta98.wordpress.com back online. Feel free to look back. I will from here on stay on this blog because it got tiring going back and forth between the two blogs.
How is it that when anniversaries come by sometimes the mind doesn’t realize it. But when someone acknowledges it the difference it makes in a person is tremendous. Last night as I was working on my training my whole mind went to the Reader Notification on my blog. I had seen the badge for my anniversary the day before but it didn’t hit me. I wanted to do some big post saying how proud of myself for such a milestone. But my mind was hyper-focused on my goal of finishing my training. I had been at my job for a year and doing on the job training but didn’t do my webinars. So I told myself “Molly do you want this badly?” Of course I said yes. So I decided this was what I needed to do. I was putting the oxygen mask on my face and taking in the deep breaths. I knew I needed more training not just on the job but extra so my mind could understand what was going on. So that was that. I decided I would do whatever it took listening to the YouTube videos at night and doing the demos during the weekend.
You know what it was as if the light bulb went on and I had a Oprah “Ah Ha” moment. It was amazing. I remember last year I made it my goal to have more than a thousand followers on Twitter. I wanted to promote my blogs and reach more people. I worked my butt off trying to understand how others did it and do it my own way. Today I have over 2k following me on Twitter.
Life is not easy when you have memory difficulties. You have to find a different way to help you do the most simple things. I use my phone to schedule appointments and set up things. I make sure I get notifications and reminders the day before and day of. I knew without that I would be lost and not able to keep up with everyone else.
Before my mom left she made me promise I would do whatever it took to get better and improve myself. Living with anxiety is a lot of work. I have to turn of the thoughts in my head that or put blockers that tell me that I can’t do something.
Thank you WordPress for giving me the wings to soar. This butterfly is learning to soar with the eagles. 🙂
I had been over thinking about this one for a few weeks. My energy that I put into my Facebook page was overwhelming. I realized as much as I added not a lot came back. Then I started to wonder if I was spamming too much. So I finally made the decision to pull the plug on the page. I just couldn’t handle all the thoughts coming at me. So with sadness I am saying goodbye to Sara Gamachu, blogger page on Facebook. She was liked by 46 people and many shared her posts or picture links.
There I have that out-of-the-way. Now onto the next thought about mahaleta98.wordpress.com. How many people noticed that it has been hidden. Any show of hands? Well once again I just couldn’t keep up with it. I loved it so much it was my starter on WordPress. I haven’t deleted it just hiding it for another time when I can fully enjoy it again. As I write this my thoughts are swirling around in my head. Can you really do this Molly? Can you just do one blog? The answer is yes. I can.
With my job at the spa going really well my body adjusting to my new work schedule (new to me of course). I am going to try to give more time to journaling and sharing when I can on refresh28.wordpress.com. I want to inspire and motivate people with my words.
I have always loved reading and writing in several journals. It has been a dream to share it with the public. I hear many people asking me when was I going to write a book. I dreamily would answer “Someday when my life is put together.” Until than I just love posting on my blog. It gives me a chance to give another point of view into life. I mean how many other people can juggle life, anxiety, and a few other things I write about? Not many I think. Just doing a balancing act is hard enough.
So with all these changes I hope to gain more readers and subscribers.
When I was told that Kate Spade died I was saddened. This has become something we are hearing more often. People dying from depression and mental illness. I recall when Robin Williams passed on that my mom was concerned for me. It was the early stages of my healing so she was worried it would trigger something inside of me.
Luckily it didn’t do much but cause great sadness in me. When the frontman of Linkin Park passed away I was furious that all was said was a simple scroll on the BBC screen. The main interview was so brief that I didn’t see it. My heart breaks each time this news comes to me. Why are people not wanting to help others? Plus when people label things it made me even sadder and discouraged.
For now, I am just sitting here and writing out these thoughts. My thoughts go out to all the families involved with bullying, depression, anxiety, and other situations similar. You are never too young or too old to deal with this. I should know. Get help, talk to someone anyone who will sit still long enough to listen to you. Please let us not let this go on longer. Let 2018 not be another year of deaths to this condition.
No tags today… just a creative thought to bear for all those in pain….