I am not sure what this feeling is.
I haven’t had it in a while.
I feel like things are going to be okay.
Sure I am back to the job search again.
This time I feel more confident about how it’s going to work.
After watching Set Up on Netflix I realized that I was similar to Harper. I had things I dreamed of doing. Just not enough time to actually do it. I started adding various organizing to do apps to my phone just so I could get my days set up. The best part was that I was able to visualize appointments as they came instead of dreading and wondering what was about to happen.
Yesterday as I was updating my Indeed profile I felt this confidence come over me. It was as if I knew what I wanted. It didn’t need to be my dream job. I didn’t need to be a I had to have a job. It was a “I know what I want now lets see if we could find it.”
After so many years of cheering people on and hoping for the best of others my body felt drained. I wanted so badly to continue being the cheerleader. My soul was still in it… yet the rest of me wondered “What about me?” I felt the light house in me go from a shimmering light to a barely blinking out to the distance.
How was my son going to find me if I couldn’t even find myself. It was something that would constantly wonder in my mind. Most jobs these days confirmed that I was not a good fit. That perhaps something else would come my way. That was why I took a week off from everything. My insides felt exhausted from trying so hard to please everyone. Everyone but me. I realized I could work one day on the weekend… but not both. I needed time to recharge my batteries and be ready to smile and greet people.
I also realized I was a server. I loved helping people. That was my thing. Being able to make a difference in a person’s life. That was my mantra.
To be continued………………..