Monday Thoughts: Its okay to ask for help.

Its the first Monday in July and my heart was a flutter.  What all could I do to improve myself.  Well first on my mind was to make a few calls that I decided to put off to today what I couldn’t do last Friday.  My mind told me it was probably going to be a long weekend since a holiday was coming up.  I suddenly realized it would be my first 4th of July back in the States.  Wow the last time I did this was back in 2013.

I didn’t allow myself to feel bad that I couldn’t really remember the last time.  My memory was a little hazy with the medicine I had been taking to help with my anxiety at that time.  I knew that my son was with me and it would be our first and last holiday together in a very long time.  I recalled the year before how I was trying to blow up his swimming accessory tube so he could go playing in the pool with his cousin.  As hard as I blew it just wouldn’t do it.  I finally asked his father to help since my breath was not strong enough.  I knew as this memory taunted me I felt the anger that I couldn’t do something as simple as that.  Than I had to tell myself that it wasn’t my fault that I did try and that took guts.  Remember Molly you did as for help.  It wasn’t your fault that you were taunted for not being able to do something.

Just asking for help is a huge thing reader.  Just think how many people actually ask for help when they know they can’t do something.  As yourself that next time someone asks you to help them.

Fast forward to today.  I knew the last few weeks had been hard for me.  I was lucky I had a support group who recognized when I needed help.  Just raising your hand or making that phone call to get a specialist that takes courage from the person.  They are their to answer your question.  There is no stupid questions.  That is what so many people have told me.  I just had to trust myself to have the courage to say, “Excuse me do you have my current information on file?”  It can mean less embarrassment or anxiety when you go to that appointment.

Thank you for reading and that is my thought for Monday, July 2nd 2018.

 

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Sunday Thoughts.

I am not sure what this feeling is.
I haven’t had it in a while.
I feel like things are going to be okay.
Sure I am back to the job search again.
This time I feel more confident about how it’s going to work.
After watching Set Up on Netflix I realized that I was similar to Harper.  I had things I dreamed of doing.  Just not enough time to actually do it.  I started adding various organizing to do apps to my phone just so I could get my days set up.  The best part was that I was able to visualize appointments as they came instead of dreading and wondering what was about to happen.
Yesterday as I was updating my Indeed profile I felt this confidence come over me.  It was as if I knew what I wanted.  It didn’t need to be my dream job.  I didn’t need to be a I had to have a job.  It was a “I know what I want now lets see if we could find it.”
After so many years of cheering people on and hoping for the best of others my body felt drained.  I wanted so badly to continue being the cheerleader.  My soul was still in it… yet the rest of me wondered “What about me?”  I felt the light house in me go from a shimmering light to a barely blinking out to the distance.
How was my son going to find me if I couldn’t even find myself.  It was something that would constantly wonder in my mind.  Most jobs these days confirmed that I was not a good fit.  That perhaps something else would come my way.  That was why I took a week off from everything.  My insides felt exhausted from trying so hard to please everyone.  Everyone but me.  I realized I could work one day on the weekend… but not both.  I needed time to recharge my batteries and be ready to smile and greet people.
I also realized I was a server.  I loved helping people.  That was my thing.  Being able to make a difference in a person’s life.  That was my mantra.
To be continued………………..