I started today like any day checking my email and just trying to get my body going. Of course this is pre-coffee. The last few weeks I have been going to the dentist and taking care of my teeth. It’s a long time in coming trust me (not just the being abroad thing either.) Yesterday was my final filling of a two or four-part series. Considering that I have lost track should tell you something. Since I had time I decided to do things I needed to do doctor and dental appointments were just that needing to be done. Than of course scheduling in job search and possible interviews into that calendar. Yesterday I did an assessment for ones of those said jobs. Finally something I could do my mind and heart said.
Its been rough few weeks since my moods kept see sawing up and down. Lets say I did a lot of resting and sleeping in between things. I watched a few movies and shows on Netflix to help stimulate my mind. I decided there was hope for me after finally seeing Bridget Jones Baby. If she could do it than I should keep trying. With my support system cheering me on I have been trying to keep the depression at bay.
Just as I am determined to be healthy (even with achy teeth). I am doing my best to stick to the healthy stuff and try to take care of myself. Truth be damned I am walking and doing my steps daily. Somehow I have hit over 3,000 in some days. Can I get a wow!
So until next time you can find me on Twitter, interest, and of course here in the blogosphere. 😀
Stop thinking became the suggestion that most people have given me. So this is me just doing that. Each post I have written lately has just been thoughts coming out on the screen. I didn’t edit (other than spelling and grammar) and let my mind loose. Impulsively I let myself share my articles or posts that I have written in the past. I am just doing this so I can push away my depression. Yep folks I am telling it like it is. After getting let go my body went backwards for a few days and boy did I rest. I put myself aside and decided to put someone else first. That is how I battled my depression by not thinking bad about myself. Trust me that is the worst thing you could do to yourself. My coach suggested a hug dose of self-care would help me. So I gave in to the Carmel M &Ms that called to me from the grocery shelves. I found myself some dairy free yogurt and ice cream. I grabbed the kind of supplements that I knew I would take without making a :-p face. Yes I took the Alive gummy multivitamins.
I became this determined woman who was ready to get life going. I found as much optimistic tweet and retweeted them because I knew there were other people who were going through the same thing I was. I couldn’t give up. No way no how.
I would love to hear from you all. The comments box are open and you can tweet to me @SaraMahlet on Twitter. Lets talk about how we need to help each other out.
Its the first Monday in July and my heart was a flutter. What all could I do to improve myself. Well first on my mind was to make a few calls that I decided to put off to today what I couldn’t do last Friday. My mind told me it was probably going to be a long weekend since a holiday was coming up. I suddenly realized it would be my first 4th of July back in the States. Wow the last time I did this was back in 2013.
I didn’t allow myself to feel bad that I couldn’t really remember the last time. My memory was a little hazy with the medicine I had been taking to help with my anxiety at that time. I knew that my son was with me and it would be our first and last holiday together in a very long time. I recalled the year before how I was trying to blow up his swimming accessory tube so he could go playing in the pool with his cousin. As hard as I blew it just wouldn’t do it. I finally asked his father to help since my breath was not strong enough. I knew as this memory taunted me I felt the anger that I couldn’t do something as simple as that. Than I had to tell myself that it wasn’t my fault that I did try and that took guts. Remember Molly you did as for help. It wasn’t your fault that you were taunted for not being able to do something.
Just asking for help is a huge thing reader. Just think how many people actually ask for help when they know they can’t do something. As yourself that next time someone asks you to help them.
Fast forward to today. I knew the last few weeks had been hard for me. I was lucky I had a support group who recognized when I needed help. Just raising your hand or making that phone call to get a specialist that takes courage from the person. They are their to answer your question. There is no stupid questions. That is what so many people have told me. I just had to trust myself to have the courage to say, “Excuse me do you have my current information on file?” It can mean less embarrassment or anxiety when you go to that appointment.
Thank you for reading and that is my thought for Monday, July 2nd 2018.
I started this a few days ago and decided to just put it on hold for when I could write it the only way I could or would be able to.
A year ago I was walking around my little walkabout in Holeta wondering what it would be like to get back to the States. I kept reminding myself that yes it could happen. Just didn’t know when. I knew I would have some hurdles to jump over like where would I stay, what would I do, and mainly how to get the help that I need. I knew from past experiences that ADD was my friend and Stress and Anxiety were my reminders. They were like sisters that wanted to help me but needed to be provided in the right direction. Yes, they reminded me of what I could and could not do. They also taught me how to dream. All the things I could wish to do like cook, take care of myself, and naturally see my son again in some way.
Since then I took my steps towards my healing. Getting signed up for help from the State to get food, medical, and other things I didn’t even think of. I then enrolled in a job training program that helped awaken my retail memories in various steps. After the few jobs that I have had this year, I realized something. I was not the type that could sell things. I could suggest them and give tips. I was more comfortable being the support staff. At the spa, I realized the scanning information became something I could do. Entering the information was another thing that gave me joy. “Would you like tea or water?” Making the coconut water in the morning went from a step by step motion to something that became naturally.
Now I am back at my drawing board deciding what my next venture would be. I knew for sure a desk job would be ideal. Work in an office environment would be wonderful because I would be using my office skills. My Worksource case manager and several others are giving me lead on where to apply. I am just thinking through and picturing myself in each scenario to see if it would be the right place for me.
If there is one thing about me that you might have noticed is that I don’t give up so easily. I may take time to think (or over-think I admit) things through. It would save me and others time to make sure the choice is a right one.
She looked at her life and all the milestone. Turned each rock down her mental beachside as the waves kissed her feet.
She couldn’t see the memories but felt them tugging at her heart. She cried out “Grandmother, Chewake how did you stay strong?” Then felt her spirit embrace her. Don’t worry little one. You will grow strong. He knows you love him. He will come running back to you as he did as a child. I silently wept back physical and internal tears. I will be strong. I will carry on. My grandmother did and so will I.
I have put mahaleta98.wordpress.com back online. Feel free to look back. I will from here on stay on this blog because it got tiring going back and forth between the two blogs.
She chuckled as she realizes how strong she was. Slowly the memory veil shuddered as the thoughts crept back. She wished that the training had been better. How do you sell she wondered. Follow the smile she recalled. So that is what she did. Her voice started small as she read the script. Sure she stumbled with the words but she giggled as she tried again and again. Soon she felt herself get better with the voice. People smiled not realizing it was a first time she was front and center and not in the background. She observed others trying to find her knack. Yes I can she mentally told herself. If not now when. She walked around trying to figure out the cooler from freezer. They were both cold. One fogged her glasses while the other door would budge against her weight. Yes I am small she agreed but I have will power on my side. I will do my best to succeed. Not knowing the rules she did her best. Hoping her effort would pay off.
Just getting up is a great thing. Knowing I am accepted is another. Feeling the love is the way I battle my fears. Knowing people are there helps too. I used to imagine people verbally supporting me saying yes you can. Walk those steps and clean those dishes. I do it for me now. Not anyone else.
Tis the season to take care of oneself. That is exactly what I have started doing readers. My holidays began with spending time with my friends and family. Now I am just preparing to organize myself for the New Year. I can’t explain how grateful I am to have such a great support team behind me these days. It spans all over the globe and many times over. I am just excited to see if the new year brings as much happiness into your life as much as it has mine.
So take care of yourself so you can take care of others!