Carpe Diem seize the day! This has become something that I keep in my a lot. When my fear and depression presses on me then I have to at least try. Just doing things are difficult. So I take point and just do it.
Write a letter to your 100-year-old self.
How are you doing? I hope that you have had a good life. Traveling to places that I could only imagine. Did you get a chance to be a motivational speaker? That is something I have always dreamed of for you.
I can see you living in a trendy but comfortable home. Traveling here and there when you need to. Following the path that you created for yourself. Are the beaches as beautiful as they are now? Do you have a place to relax and do spa activities? I am hoping that by 100 I would have lived my dream of traveling the globe and just enjoying life.
I feel awful that I haven’t written or recorded a podcast episode. Do people get creative blocks like writers block? I am proud of myself to have 2 different writing in progress. One that I stared on my own during a medium day. The other a blog post that I started several months ago. Honestly I can’t even the exact date good thing WordPress keeps track of the revisions.
I got to be honest. My depression is back. Not at a real bad stage just in a you’re not going to do it stage. That in my opinion is not necessarily a fun stage. I tend to hit this spot when I am trying to complete something and I go through a omg what is the word shadow phase? The one when you doubt yourself. That is what I am feeling.
Mental illness is a pain in the butt. It makes you feel like you can’t do anything. The self doubt comes out like a rain storm and it is hard to wait it out. Did I mention that a majority of my stuff is hand me down? Yep. The one time that I bought myself something in the past year or so was when I walked into the T-Mobile and Apple Stores. I was a girl on a mission. My iPhone SE had been dropping calls and boy was that annoying for me and my caller. I went through several troubleshooting tips to no success.
I finally broke down and decided that I HAD to get a phone. I began researching all the information related to Apple products. It was mesmerizing. I mean it was like a whole new world was not just at my finger tips but also in front of me. That is when the daydreaming began. What if I could have this… or what about someday getting a iPad. Like I said it was like glitter in my eyes and everything looked shiny.
Then it happened in a matter of a few visits. It started with the phone. Then it was like I was interested in a low cost iPad which just happen to be on sale the Air that is. With the employees dropping hints I realized there is no place for a headset so I needed a bluetooth headphones. Many of these came in colors and I chose green. Of course I needed a protective film on the iPad so fingerprints didn’t show. The jackpot was that I knew that getting a MacBook was not possible. So here came the invisible keyboard into the party. Oh but there is more!
I soon realized that I needed a watch to add to he Apple trinity (iPhone, iPad, Air-pod Max). Boy did I see the perfect color pink! It was so pretty and it would sync up to my other devices. Of course I had to have that. Ooh I need to have a charger for my watch and what do you know it has a spot for the phone. Mind you I put a lot if not all onto a payment plan. Yep I thought this shouldn’t be too hard to pay off. The finishing touch to this whole shopping adventure was the one thing I knew that I didn’t need, yet called to me. It was a speaker. Not just any speaker it was one that I actually remembered from my Magnolia High Fi days (which a former colleague confirmed).
Now by then the staff at T-Mobile knew me by name…. Uh oh that is not good. The whole reason behind the visit was the phone. Da da dum. That is right I needed to find not just any old phone it need to be an Apple. I had made up my mind it was Apple or no go. I reminded myself when I had Android phones how I had struggled with its features. I knew that someday I would upgrade to the world of Apple. So I went to my laptop and began researching all I could find about iPhones. Yes my mind was made up. It was as if I saw Apple in my eyes. I knew that someday I would get other devices, but now was the time to get an awesome phone.
The whole point to this story is that I imagined myself with the “ultimate” writer’s tools. That and I saw it on tv and the movies. Did I get the iPhone? After looking at them and wondering if it was worth it. My brain and impulses screamed duh yes it worth it. I decided on the lower cost upgrade from the SE. I didn’t need anything fancy just the tools of the trade. By that time I had realized that I was going on a trip and that I needed to make a decision soon.
So after deliberating and finding out my phone needed the latest if not the beginners latest phone there. They spoke of the iPhone 13 as the one for me. Boy was I excited. Before I took the leap I find out that it wasn’t coming out until later on. What??? You built me up on something that hasn’t even come out yet! So back to the virtual drawing board. I thought I needed the latest but like right now type of phone. Soon I was introduced to the iPhone 12. It wasn’t as shiny as the others that I had been shopping online and walking through the Apple store.
I was hooked. Did it come in pink or green to make the set complete? No alas it was in Purple. I thought what the heck. Small size good cost might as well. I had achieved the main goal an iPhone that did work. I had a chance to play around with my phone trying out the features and letting my mind go wild. Did I mention that I have ADD? Oops there is that.
With the case and protection film in place I was a happy consumer. I was a proud member of the Apple club. To be honest in my mind during the whole adventure (which in my opinion it was like the ultimate roller coaster ride) I heard my mom telling me that I needed to take care of myself. Well, later on after the fun wore off my family saw and heard about the results. Oh boy Molly how could you? Could I return things… I don’t think so I used the it was on sale tactic. To this day my mom would ask me what was going through my mind. Honestly it was the biggest impulse buy in my young history.
In the end I got to keep the headphones, iPad which I splurged on a iPencil (which went missing at some point later and I replaced via my friend Amazon). Oh boy now months later I was proud of my purchases. I had a PC laptop that I wished and prayed would be replaced with a MacBook. Yep I was that kind of person who loved her some Apple products.
I think in the end I was proud to have something that not a lot of people had. It was mine and not a hand me down. I would picture future me typing away and feeling the trill of having Apple at my finger tips.
Just to make this interesting SEVERAL months later my prayers were answered. An used MacBook Air. I was beyond happy. I didn’t care it was used I had achieved the Apple set. To this day I am an Apple owner in an Android/PC world. I didn’t care I felt like I could do anything because I was a proud member of the Apple family.
If you dream hard enough it can happen.
Sara Gamachu 