Tag Archives: Family

Thursday, Chewake embraces her granddaughter again and helps her carry on.

She looked at her life and all the milestone. Turned each rock down her mental beachside as the waves kissed her feet.

She couldn’t see the memories but felt them tugging at her heart.  She cried out “Grandmother, Chewake how did you stay strong?” Then felt her spirit embrace her.  Don’t worry little one.  You will grow strong.  He knows you love him.  He will come running back to you as he did as a child.  I silently wept back physical and internal tears.  I will be strong.  I will carry on.  My grandmother did and so will I.

I have put mahaleta98.wordpress.com back online.  Feel free to look back.  I will from here on stay on this blog because it got tiring going back and forth between the two blogs.
Sara 

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June 16th marked 7 years posting on WordPress.

How is it that when anniversaries come by sometimes the mind doesn’t realize it.  But when someone acknowledges it the difference it makes in a person is tremendous.  Last night as I was working on my training my whole mind went to the Reader Notification on my blog.  I had seen the badge for my anniversary the day before but it didn’t hit me.  I wanted to do some big post saying how proud of myself for such a milestone.  But my mind was hyper-focused on my goal of finishing my training.  I had been at my job for a year and doing on the job training but didn’t do my webinars.  So I told myself “Molly do you want this badly?”  Of course I said yes.  So I decided this was what I needed to do.  I was putting the oxygen mask on my face and taking in the deep breaths.  I knew I needed more training not just on the job but extra so my mind could understand what was going on.  So that was that.  I decided I would do whatever it took listening to the YouTube videos at night and doing the demos during the weekend.

You know what it was as if the light bulb went on and I had a Oprah “Ah Ha” moment.  It was amazing.  I remember last year I made it my goal to have more than a thousand followers on Twitter.  I wanted to promote my blogs and reach more people.  I worked my butt off trying to understand how others did it and do it my own way.  Today I have over 2k following me on Twitter.

Life is not easy when you have memory difficulties.  You have to find a different way to help you do the most simple things.  I use my phone to schedule appointments and set up things.  I make sure I get notifications and reminders the day before and day of.  I knew without that I would be lost and not able to keep up with everyone else.

Before my mom left she made me promise I would do whatever it took to get better and improve myself.  Living with anxiety is a lot of work.  I have to turn of the thoughts in my head that or put blockers that tell me that I can’t do something.

Thank you WordPress for giving me the wings to soar.  This butterfly is learning to soar with the eagles. 🙂

 

Cheers!

Lately

Would they understand the new me that wants to make a change.

Would they understand that I wanted to succeed in my life and goals.

A year ago I was dealing with traveling in a different country than what I grew up in.

People expected so much and I just couldn’t live up to the expectations.

It got to be so hard that I spent a lot of time in my room wondering dreaming of a life.

I wasn’t sure if I could succeed in whatever might come my way.

I used to dream about having my own place and just enjoying myself.

Having people over and just living life just as it would be.

I would feel awkward when people asked about my son.

What could I say… I hope so.

You might wonder why I have been so quiet and reserved about him.

Because he is innocently brought into this world.

I can’t remember a lot of things.  What my heart and mind allow I am thankful for each memory.

Snuggling up to me after school…. that is what I remember the most.

Patting my head in that special way to say I love you mom.

I am trying to find my confidence that I lost a long the way.

When asked about my American accent with an Ethiopian body… I just respond that my accent got lost along the way of the Atlantic Ocean during my travels abroad.

As I ponder the thought of turning another year older I wonder about those days.

Walking around the Seahurst Beach and wading my feet into the cold water.

One of the few moments I have on video is my son reliving those same memories.

Only my dad was trying to keep him from the water and get too wet on a fall day.

More thoughts from Molly.

I realized somethings from the post that I wrote earlier on my other blog .  For example I have watched the first episode of the second season of Agents of Shield on Netflix.  The character of Fitz was going through a new stage in his life.  He had begun stuttering and trying to find words and Simmons character was helping him.  It than shocked me… I was watching myself after I had gotten back into society.  I was trying to find the words to describe my life before and during my trip.  I was telling my friend about little bits and pieces of what I saw just so she could understand what I was coming from.  I was Fitz and he was my hero!

I originally wanted the title for the post to be Like a child inside of a candy store.  Because lately I have tried so many different things and in time my body got so overwhelmed by the new sights and sounds that it needed to figure out how to let it melt into my body and senses.  Cheese, salad dressing, and flavored water just to name a few came into my reach.  On a weekend that I visited my family I got a small container of Tillamook Ice Cream Sweet Cream flavored.  It was so good that I ate the whole thing in one sitting.  These were things that I had been missing and began enjoying immediately.  In my mind I was afraid I would not get a chance so I went ahead and in my ice creams case gobbled it up.

That is why I wanted to write this morning.  To let people into my world and see how my healing process in action.  Plus I have started sharing some of the pictures from my trip on Instagram that immediately shows on my Facebook page and Twitter.  It has given me the chance to show the world these new skills that I am using to explain what is in my mind, heart, and soul.

The safety of my blog.

My blog gets me.  It truly does.  It celebrates with me silently as my Twitter followers grow.  Last year I was hoping and praying that some change would come. I worked hard to promote and do what I couldn’t do in the current environment.  Make a name for myself. I dreamed of exporting my first blog over to this one so I wouldn’t feel guilty of writing on this one instead of that one.  Alas that isn’t happening soon.  Oh well at least I tried.

I like my new medical team that is building itself around me.  Going to see a counselor would help me deeply with things.  I openly write and talk about my anxiety, depression, and stress.  They are my strengths that make me want to make myself better, they are my weaknesses when I can’t understand things as they seem harder, they are my tools when things are confusing.  They are a part of me that will ultimately change my whole being.

I have watched a whole season of Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.LD. on Netflix.  I decided if I need to understand the empowerment thing I need to watch it in action.  So far I am relating to most of the characters in some shape or form.  If I can achieve May than I think that would be a breakthrough.  I was not happy with how Ward’s character has turned on the team.  It leads me to wonder if that is how some people are in real life.  Do they want to seem like they love or care about you but just end up hurting you?  Something to think about reader.

I have been reading Kimberly Rae Miller’s Coming Clean on my Kindle App.  Oh sister can you read my mind.  I feel like she is speaking to me in a way I can totally understand.  Reader I occasionally per take the thought that I help so many, but unsure about helping myself.  Will my tombstone read “She loved too much.”  If so what kind of life is that.  Posting on my blog is a way I can communicate my thoughts without fear.  It is also giving permission to my silent ADD to give it a chance to speak its mind and say things I would never think about saying out loud.  I even had someone question me about if I had it.  My answer was I recalled getting diagnosed in my early twenties.  The energy that goes through me and comes out when I get too excited now that is my tool of ADD.

My dream someday is write a book or e-book that tells how I have made a difference in my life by beating the odds that have been set in front of me.  If I can make some money that would be fun.  Until then I have the safety of my blog to share my adventures and slowly recover all that life throws at me.

 

The end… for now.

A Superstar in training

So many things I want to say.  So much has happened in the last few days.  I finished my training a week ago.  It was hard, yet I made it through and received my certificate the next day.  In a few days it will be four months since I began this chapter of my return.  I finally saw a doctor who is looking into getting me a counselor to help me with my anxiety.  I got my eyes checked and then ordered my glasses with no pressure on me that I had felt that day.  Pressure to me is a friend of anxiety who partners up with occasionally with depression.  So there you have it.  I am a woman who is dealing with a lot and still keeps going.  I decided to apply for a job that would match my personality.  It’s not in the retail business… but it needs my office expertise.  You know what that is okay.  As I trained my mind became enlightened about things I liked to do and things I could do.  I loved working on computers and using the programs to help other people.  I was one of those self-taught people because I had a difficulty learning under different teaching styles.  Yes I am a certified Teacher’s Assistant, yet right now I want to give my attention to other skills that need to grow.  Like using Excel and database type of programs.  I have always dreamed of being an office manager scheduling things and supporting others in the background.  Now that is making a difference in a company.

Its been a tiring path returning to my dear Washington State.  The beauty that I could only dream of is now my reality.  I haven’t seen it in sometime so I am asking my friends whether it was in the norm or not.  After 4 years in Africa things looked a lot more different from I could recall.  The mountains look refreshing and the snow looked quite alarming.  I am constantly recalling when I was young how I loved it… now not so much.  Its cold and my body has not quite readjusted to things.

I am a housemate to on my oldest friends who has been able to help me cope with so many changes.  She reminds me about when we were young and how we learned how to deal with the culture of the time.  Mind you it was the 80s and well for a kid and life was an adventure.  She teaches me about how time has changed since I left and why things seem like some strange alternate universe.  She is patient when I explain things I saw and what they might or really meant.  Plus she reminds me that I am a superstar for living my life as I have the last few years.

I cleaned up my LinkedIn profile and added as my current position as a Creative Writer Blogger at Large.  I had realized that my last one was a bit long and windy.  So with a little creativity I shortened it.  I am hoping by my birthday to be a worker and not just blogger.  I love blogging… yet many people have asked me if I would write a book.  I wanted to say that my blog is my simple version of a book.  I want to build an audience and not just put out a book.  People don’t realize there is so much to the process.  You need to be confident with your skills.  Build yourself and the world up to what you can do.  I am confident about my writing skills.  I have even thought of taking a creative writing course when things begin to settle down in my life.  So until then I am very comfortable with my writing on my blogs.

I just realized how incredible it would be if I make it to 1000 words on this post.  It would be a huge accomplishment in my life.  Another thing I have wanted to blog about is living as a Third Culture Life.  I was born in Ethiopia, raised in Washington State, traveled back to Ethiopia, and have made a full circle by returning to where I grew up.  How many people can say they have done that in their life?  Also I have come to realize many people might view me as an English Second Language speaker.  I like to joke that I am English Speedy Language because I tend to talk really fast (especially when I am excited or comfortable around someone).  Its a mistake to think that of anyone anywhere.  When I was traveling the biggest question was why I didn’t speak Oromo or Amharic.  My parents made the choice to stay in America so we could get an education.  So that meant learning the local language.  Now I want to tell people if you can figure out the grammar rules of English and still make a sentence or conversation than more power to you.  Also for the record I do understand Amharic audibly.  I just have a difficulty responding orally.

Even with my weaknesses I try to manage my way to turn them into strengths.  That is what I want to help people see.  We are all alike.  Strength, Intelligence, and all the fun stuff put together.  You just have to figure out to work together.  There are leaders and followers…. then there are the followers who become leaders.  I feel that I am in that transition of figuring out where I am in that table.

Emotional Series is back.

Its been a few weeks since I working on this series.  A lot has happened.  I am in my last few days at the Goodwill Job Training Program.  It has been eye opening.  I want to give a Shout Out to the staff at the South Everett Goodwill Job Training Retail program.  You have given me a chance to get my umph back.  I thought that half of me was gone forever or at least taking a very long nap.   I would definetly recommened this to anyone that needs help with starting over.

I have started going to see a doctor recently.  It feels great to be established again.  Hopefully this will be the beginning of my body healing and adjusting back to life in society.  I have even joined a gym to exercise more.  It is wonderful to have my friend who has been amazing and keeping me accountable with well lots of things.  She and many others have been cheering me on when I thought I couldn’t mold back into the dream.

I have a great mom and family that has been keeping an eye on me from afar.  Thanks Mom, Dad, and Banananut.  My relatives have been cheering me on from all sides of the globe!  It has been great.  Plus when I am sharing pictures of my cooking adventures I have a great compliment waiting for me.

There is so much I want to share so hopefully this weekend will be a double hitter on the posting of the blogs.  Until then lets stay safe out there.  Please…

 

Sara