I started this a few days ago and decided to just put it on hold for when I could write it the only way I could or would be able to.
A year ago I was walking around my little walkabout in Holeta wondering what it would be like to get back to the States. I kept reminding myself that yes it could happen. Just didn’t know when. I knew I would have some hurdles to jump over like where would I stay, what would I do, and mainly how to get the help that I need. I knew from past experiences that ADD was my friend and Stress and Anxiety were my reminders. They were like sisters that wanted to help me but needed to be provided in the right direction. Yes, they reminded me of what I could and could not do. They also taught me how to dream. All the things I could wish to do like cook, take care of myself, and naturally see my son again in some way.
Since then I took my steps towards my healing. Getting signed up for help from the State to get food, medical, and other things I didn’t even think of. I then enrolled in a job training program that helped awaken my retail memories in various steps. After the few jobs that I have had this year, I realized something. I was not the type that could sell things. I could suggest them and give tips. I was more comfortable being the support staff. At the spa, I realized the scanning information became something I could do. Entering the information was another thing that gave me joy. “Would you like tea or water?” Making the coconut water in the morning went from a step by step motion to something that became naturally.
Now I am back at my drawing board deciding what my next venture would be. I knew for sure a desk job would be ideal. Work in an office environment would be wonderful because I would be using my office skills. My Worksource case manager and several others are giving me lead on where to apply. I am just thinking through and picturing myself in each scenario to see if it would be the right place for me.
If there is one thing about me that you might have noticed is that I don’t give up so easily. I may take time to think (or over-think I admit) things through. It would save me and others time to make sure the choice is a right one.
Its been a few weeks since I working on this series. A lot has happened. I am in my last few days at the Goodwill Job Training Program. It has been eye opening. I want to give a Shout Out to the staff at the South Everett Goodwill Job Training Retail program. You have given me a chance to get my umph back. I thought that half of me was gone forever or at least taking a very long nap. I would definetly recommened this to anyone that needs help with starting over.
I have started going to see a doctor recently. It feels great to be established again. Hopefully this will be the beginning of my body healing and adjusting back to life in society. I have even joined a gym to exercise more. It is wonderful to have my friend who has been amazing and keeping me accountable with well lots of things. She and many others have been cheering me on when I thought I couldn’t mold back into the dream.
I have a great mom and family that has been keeping an eye on me from afar. Thanks Mom, Dad, and Banananut. My relatives have been cheering me on from all sides of the globe! It has been great. Plus when I am sharing pictures of my cooking adventures I have a great compliment waiting for me.
There is so much I want to share so hopefully this weekend will be a double hitter on the posting of the blogs. Until then lets stay safe out there. Please…
Just getting up is a great thing. Knowing I am accepted is another. Feeling the love is the way I battle my fears. Knowing people are there helps too. I used to imagine people verbally supporting me saying yes you can. Walk those steps and clean those dishes. I do it for me now. Not anyone else.
For the first time I am taking the steps I needed to actually do this. Between learning how to cook and bake things. To going out and talking with people in real life. These are things people do. A few weeks ago I began taking bus rides in my area. I felt so excited and nervous. It was also a milestone because that was how I traveled for many years. Walking and riding the bus in the greater Seattle area.
It has been brought to my attention by various people in my journey in life that I didn’t know how to drive. Well up until recently I was ashamed of that fact. I joke that my father felt that I shouldn’t because it took a lot of concentration to be able to keep my eye on the road and not get into an accident or anything of the sort. So from 12th grade on I practiced the art of taking the bus. It started around the White Center area where we were living when. I learned to memorize the routes and landmarks so I could get to school and home without needing too much help. I was lucky that my school was on a community college site and that one bus when back and forth in my neighborhood. This began my need to get around without asking for a ride. Sure at times I needed help but the thrill of knowing where to go and how to get there was a strong feeling. It got to the point that I was giving people advice on how to get to and from places. Now that is powerful. During my separation and into my divorce part of my life I had to learn from scratch to I could have my son ready to be picked up from our apartment area down to work and back before he got home. I started adding the taxi system at this point because it was a new area and I needed that extra confidence that things would work out.
So even though in some ways I am a little behind the curve… that didn’t mean I couldn’t make up the distance in other ways. Imagine my joy when these smart devices came out. I finally was able to get real-time information at just a click speed. So thus ends this chapter of my training life. Join me next time as we learn how I am getting back on my feet.
Until then take care of yourself so you can take care of others!
Tis the season to take care of oneself. That is exactly what I have started doing readers. My holidays began with spending time with my friends and family. Now I am just preparing to organize myself for the New Year. I can’t explain how grateful I am to have such a great support team behind me these days. It spans all over the globe and many times over. I am just excited to see if the new year brings as much happiness into your life as much as it has mine.
So take care of yourself so you can take care of others!
Until next time,