My head is still spinning from the excitement that my piece being published on the Black Girls Create website. I have been trying to apply for jobs left and right. Many didn’t make it to an interview. My heart would drop when I realized things were just not working out. So, as usual, I started doing things to distract myself from the pressure. Listening to music, washing dishes, doing laundry, watching shows on Netflix, and of courses reading and writing. Since arriving in Eastern Washington I joined a crochet group so I could learn a new hobby. Got to keep my hands busy right?
I started a post about my past with the plan to clear my mind and give my heart a rest from the memories that have started coming back. It was about the time of the Supreme Court nomination when it began. Hearing stories about abuse and harassment started striking a nerve. My heart started racing as the thoughts came bursting in my head. It got to be hard to deal with things because it triggers some of the depressive thoughts. Of course, that connected to me wondering if I would get a job. My friend had to explain how I was one of many people competing for the position. So in a way my competitive juices began. It became one of the many feelings I started having since I got back in November. It’s not easy to have been gone or taking a break just to get back on my feet. So I decided I would do my best and keep plugging in.
Its been a few days since I started this post. I took a few days to rest my mind and balance my emotions. I was feeling this overload of emotion ranging from joy to exhaustion. This was only the second piece that I wrote under my full name, Mahlet Sebhat. It gave me this hope that things might be changing. The only feeling I could compare this to was after I gave birth to my son. I remember soon after I came after they needed to sew me back up. I was excited, scared, and tired. Most of all I was proud that I was able to do the single thing that I prepared myself physically and emotionally for several months.
Since we arrived in Cheney I was not sure how to act. Sure I have moved several times in my life. Some I remember others I wasn’t actually part of the physical moving. Do I put things in boxes? How do I put the box together? Can I lift it down the 3 floors of stairs of the Everett place? All these thoughts jumbled up in my mind. What is going to happen once we arrived in Cheney? Would I fit in? How in the world do I put a room together? It had been ages since I had a room of my own with things of mine. Sure it was not a lot of stuff. Would I be able to find a job? How about a doctor? Is there a therapist I could find who would help me with my healing journey?
Well, it has been a month since we arrived. I have not only set up my room. It has all the comforts that I need from a bed to a dresser for my clothes. I was lucky that my aunt had a dresser that she didn’t need. It came at just the right time. Within a few weeks, I got my medical information updated and found a doctor and therapist. My next appointment with the latter is coming up. Now if only I can find a job. Lately, I took the nontraditional route as I continued to apply for jobs. I import my blog posts to Medium and write. My piece on Black Girls Create is an example of this. I decided that I just can’t give up. I have to keep going until something comes up. At some point this week I will finish the posts I was opening about in this post. I felt I needed to share my story and now felt like the right time. It would explain why I took a sabbatical.
Some topics I have been thinking of writing about was how I am eating more and enjoying the food. I feel like it is a huge part of my healing. Each time I try something new like Korean food for example. My heart feels like it is discovering something new. I also want to write reviews about books I have been reading. There is so much I want to share and now is the time to give a glimpse into my life. Feel free to email me your ideas. Also if you need a guest blogger let me know. Maybe we can help each other.
Until next time!