Monday Thoughts: Its okay to ask for help.

Its the first Monday in July and my heart was a flutter.  What all could I do to improve myself.  Well first on my mind was to make a few calls that I decided to put off to today what I couldn’t do last Friday.  My mind told me it was probably going to be a long weekend since a holiday was coming up.  I suddenly realized it would be my first 4th of July back in the States.  Wow the last time I did this was back in 2013.

I didn’t allow myself to feel bad that I couldn’t really remember the last time.  My memory was a little hazy with the medicine I had been taking to help with my anxiety at that time.  I knew that my son was with me and it would be our first and last holiday together in a very long time.  I recalled the year before how I was trying to blow up his swimming accessory tube so he could go playing in the pool with his cousin.  As hard as I blew it just wouldn’t do it.  I finally asked his father to help since my breath was not strong enough.  I knew as this memory taunted me I felt the anger that I couldn’t do something as simple as that.  Than I had to tell myself that it wasn’t my fault that I did try and that took guts.  Remember Molly you did as for help.  It wasn’t your fault that you were taunted for not being able to do something.

Just asking for help is a huge thing reader.  Just think how many people actually ask for help when they know they can’t do something.  As yourself that next time someone asks you to help them.

Fast forward to today.  I knew the last few weeks had been hard for me.  I was lucky I had a support group who recognized when I needed help.  Just raising your hand or making that phone call to get a specialist that takes courage from the person.  They are their to answer your question.  There is no stupid questions.  That is what so many people have told me.  I just had to trust myself to have the courage to say, “Excuse me do you have my current information on file?”  It can mean less embarrassment or anxiety when you go to that appointment.

Thank you for reading and that is my thought for Monday, July 2nd 2018.

 

received_10216091593306411

Advertisements

Take a deep breath and just dream. An entry from Sara’s Thoughts.

I started this a few days ago and decided to just put it on hold for when I could write it the only way I could or would be able to.

 

A year ago I was walking around my little walkabout in Holeta wondering what it would be like to get back to the States.  I kept reminding myself that yes it could happen.  Just didn’t know when.  I knew I would have some hurdles to jump over like where would I stay, what would I do, and mainly how to get the help that I need.  I knew from past experiences that ADD was my friend and Stress and Anxiety were my reminders.  They were like sisters that wanted to help me but needed to be provided in the right direction.  Yes, they reminded me of what I could and could not do.  They also taught me how to dream.  All the things I could wish to do like cook, take care of myself, and naturally see my son again in some way.

Since then I took my steps towards my healing.  Getting signed up for help from the State to get food, medical, and other things I didn’t even think of.  I then enrolled in a job training program that helped awaken my retail memories in various steps.  After the few jobs that I have had this year, I realized something.  I was not the type that could sell things.  I could suggest them and give tips.  I was more comfortable being the support staff.  At the spa, I realized the scanning information became something I could do.  Entering the information was another thing that gave me joy.  “Would you like tea or water?”  Making the coconut water in the morning went from a step by step motion to something that became naturally.

Now I am back at my drawing board deciding what my next venture would be.  I knew for sure a desk job would be ideal.  Work in an office environment would be wonderful because I would be using my office skills.  My Worksource case manager and several others are giving me lead on where to apply.  I am just thinking through and picturing myself in each scenario to see if it would be the right place for me.

If there is one thing about me that you might have noticed is that I don’t give up so easily.  I may take time to think (or over-think I admit) things through.  It would save me and others time to make sure the choice is a right one.

June 16th marked 7 years posting on WordPress.

How is it that when anniversaries come by sometimes the mind doesn’t realize it.  But when someone acknowledges it the difference it makes in a person is tremendous.  Last night as I was working on my training my whole mind went to the Reader Notification on my blog.  I had seen the badge for my anniversary the day before but it didn’t hit me.  I wanted to do some big post saying how proud of myself for such a milestone.  But my mind was hyper-focused on my goal of finishing my training.  I had been at my job for a year and doing on the job training but didn’t do my webinars.  So I told myself “Molly do you want this badly?”  Of course I said yes.  So I decided this was what I needed to do.  I was putting the oxygen mask on my face and taking in the deep breaths.  I knew I needed more training not just on the job but extra so my mind could understand what was going on.  So that was that.  I decided I would do whatever it took listening to the YouTube videos at night and doing the demos during the weekend.

You know what it was as if the light bulb went on and I had a Oprah “Ah Ha” moment.  It was amazing.  I remember last year I made it my goal to have more than a thousand followers on Twitter.  I wanted to promote my blogs and reach more people.  I worked my butt off trying to understand how others did it and do it my own way.  Today I have over 2k following me on Twitter.

Life is not easy when you have memory difficulties.  You have to find a different way to help you do the most simple things.  I use my phone to schedule appointments and set up things.  I make sure I get notifications and reminders the day before and day of.  I knew without that I would be lost and not able to keep up with everyone else.

Before my mom left she made me promise I would do whatever it took to get better and improve myself.  Living with anxiety is a lot of work.  I have to turn of the thoughts in my head that or put blockers that tell me that I can’t do something.

Thank you WordPress for giving me the wings to soar.  This butterfly is learning to soar with the eagles. 🙂

 

Cheers!

Lately

Would they understand the new me that wants to make a change.

Would they understand that I wanted to succeed in my life and goals.

A year ago I was dealing with traveling in a different country than what I grew up in.

People expected so much and I just couldn’t live up to the expectations.

It got to be so hard that I spent a lot of time in my room wondering dreaming of a life.

I wasn’t sure if I could succeed in whatever might come my way.

I used to dream about having my own place and just enjoying myself.

Having people over and just living life just as it would be.

I would feel awkward when people asked about my son.

What could I say… I hope so.

You might wonder why I have been so quiet and reserved about him.

Because he is innocently brought into this world.

I can’t remember a lot of things.  What my heart and mind allow I am thankful for each memory.

Snuggling up to me after school…. that is what I remember the most.

Patting my head in that special way to say I love you mom.

I am trying to find my confidence that I lost a long the way.

When asked about my American accent with an Ethiopian body… I just respond that my accent got lost along the way of the Atlantic Ocean during my travels abroad.

As I ponder the thought of turning another year older I wonder about those days.

Walking around the Seahurst Beach and wading my feet into the cold water.

One of the few moments I have on video is my son reliving those same memories.

Only my dad was trying to keep him from the water and get too wet on a fall day.

More thoughts from Molly.

I realized somethings from the post that I wrote earlier on my other blog .  For example I have watched the first episode of the second season of Agents of Shield on Netflix.  The character of Fitz was going through a new stage in his life.  He had begun stuttering and trying to find words and Simmons character was helping him.  It than shocked me… I was watching myself after I had gotten back into society.  I was trying to find the words to describe my life before and during my trip.  I was telling my friend about little bits and pieces of what I saw just so she could understand what I was coming from.  I was Fitz and he was my hero!

I originally wanted the title for the post to be Like a child inside of a candy store.  Because lately I have tried so many different things and in time my body got so overwhelmed by the new sights and sounds that it needed to figure out how to let it melt into my body and senses.  Cheese, salad dressing, and flavored water just to name a few came into my reach.  On a weekend that I visited my family I got a small container of Tillamook Ice Cream Sweet Cream flavored.  It was so good that I ate the whole thing in one sitting.  These were things that I had been missing and began enjoying immediately.  In my mind I was afraid I would not get a chance so I went ahead and in my ice creams case gobbled it up.

That is why I wanted to write this morning.  To let people into my world and see how my healing process in action.  Plus I have started sharing some of the pictures from my trip on Instagram that immediately shows on my Facebook page and Twitter.  It has given me the chance to show the world these new skills that I am using to explain what is in my mind, heart, and soul.

The safety of my blog.

My blog gets me.  It truly does.  It celebrates with me silently as my Twitter followers grow.  Last year I was hoping and praying that some change would come. I worked hard to promote and do what I couldn’t do in the current environment.  Make a name for myself. I dreamed of exporting my first blog over to this one so I wouldn’t feel guilty of writing on this one instead of that one.  Alas that isn’t happening soon.  Oh well at least I tried.

I like my new medical team that is building itself around me.  Going to see a counselor would help me deeply with things.  I openly write and talk about my anxiety, depression, and stress.  They are my strengths that make me want to make myself better, they are my weaknesses when I can’t understand things as they seem harder, they are my tools when things are confusing.  They are a part of me that will ultimately change my whole being.

I have watched a whole season of Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.LD. on Netflix.  I decided if I need to understand the empowerment thing I need to watch it in action.  So far I am relating to most of the characters in some shape or form.  If I can achieve May than I think that would be a breakthrough.  I was not happy with how Ward’s character has turned on the team.  It leads me to wonder if that is how some people are in real life.  Do they want to seem like they love or care about you but just end up hurting you?  Something to think about reader.

I have been reading Kimberly Rae Miller’s Coming Clean on my Kindle App.  Oh sister can you read my mind.  I feel like she is speaking to me in a way I can totally understand.  Reader I occasionally per take the thought that I help so many, but unsure about helping myself.  Will my tombstone read “She loved too much.”  If so what kind of life is that.  Posting on my blog is a way I can communicate my thoughts without fear.  It is also giving permission to my silent ADD to give it a chance to speak its mind and say things I would never think about saying out loud.  I even had someone question me about if I had it.  My answer was I recalled getting diagnosed in my early twenties.  The energy that goes through me and comes out when I get too excited now that is my tool of ADD.

My dream someday is write a book or e-book that tells how I have made a difference in my life by beating the odds that have been set in front of me.  If I can make some money that would be fun.  Until then I have the safety of my blog to share my adventures and slowly recover all that life throws at me.

 

The end… for now.

A Superstar in training

So many things I want to say.  So much has happened in the last few days.  I finished my training a week ago.  It was hard, yet I made it through and received my certificate the next day.  In a few days it will be four months since I began this chapter of my return.  I finally saw a doctor who is looking into getting me a counselor to help me with my anxiety.  I got my eyes checked and then ordered my glasses with no pressure on me that I had felt that day.  Pressure to me is a friend of anxiety who partners up with occasionally with depression.  So there you have it.  I am a woman who is dealing with a lot and still keeps going.  I decided to apply for a job that would match my personality.  It’s not in the retail business… but it needs my office expertise.  You know what that is okay.  As I trained my mind became enlightened about things I liked to do and things I could do.  I loved working on computers and using the programs to help other people.  I was one of those self-taught people because I had a difficulty learning under different teaching styles.  Yes I am a certified Teacher’s Assistant, yet right now I want to give my attention to other skills that need to grow.  Like using Excel and database type of programs.  I have always dreamed of being an office manager scheduling things and supporting others in the background.  Now that is making a difference in a company.

Its been a tiring path returning to my dear Washington State.  The beauty that I could only dream of is now my reality.  I haven’t seen it in sometime so I am asking my friends whether it was in the norm or not.  After 4 years in Africa things looked a lot more different from I could recall.  The mountains look refreshing and the snow looked quite alarming.  I am constantly recalling when I was young how I loved it… now not so much.  Its cold and my body has not quite readjusted to things.

I am a housemate to on my oldest friends who has been able to help me cope with so many changes.  She reminds me about when we were young and how we learned how to deal with the culture of the time.  Mind you it was the 80s and well for a kid and life was an adventure.  She teaches me about how time has changed since I left and why things seem like some strange alternate universe.  She is patient when I explain things I saw and what they might or really meant.  Plus she reminds me that I am a superstar for living my life as I have the last few years.

I cleaned up my LinkedIn profile and added as my current position as a Creative Writer Blogger at Large.  I had realized that my last one was a bit long and windy.  So with a little creativity I shortened it.  I am hoping by my birthday to be a worker and not just blogger.  I love blogging… yet many people have asked me if I would write a book.  I wanted to say that my blog is my simple version of a book.  I want to build an audience and not just put out a book.  People don’t realize there is so much to the process.  You need to be confident with your skills.  Build yourself and the world up to what you can do.  I am confident about my writing skills.  I have even thought of taking a creative writing course when things begin to settle down in my life.  So until then I am very comfortable with my writing on my blogs.

I just realized how incredible it would be if I make it to 1000 words on this post.  It would be a huge accomplishment in my life.  Another thing I have wanted to blog about is living as a Third Culture Life.  I was born in Ethiopia, raised in Washington State, traveled back to Ethiopia, and have made a full circle by returning to where I grew up.  How many people can say they have done that in their life?  Also I have come to realize many people might view me as an English Second Language speaker.  I like to joke that I am English Speedy Language because I tend to talk really fast (especially when I am excited or comfortable around someone).  Its a mistake to think that of anyone anywhere.  When I was traveling the biggest question was why I didn’t speak Oromo or Amharic.  My parents made the choice to stay in America so we could get an education.  So that meant learning the local language.  Now I want to tell people if you can figure out the grammar rules of English and still make a sentence or conversation than more power to you.  Also for the record I do understand Amharic audibly.  I just have a difficulty responding orally.

Even with my weaknesses I try to manage my way to turn them into strengths.  That is what I want to help people see.  We are all alike.  Strength, Intelligence, and all the fun stuff put together.  You just have to figure out to work together.  There are leaders and followers…. then there are the followers who become leaders.  I feel that I am in that transition of figuring out where I am in that table.

Emotional Series is back.

Its been a few weeks since I working on this series.  A lot has happened.  I am in my last few days at the Goodwill Job Training Program.  It has been eye opening.  I want to give a Shout Out to the staff at the South Everett Goodwill Job Training Retail program.  You have given me a chance to get my umph back.  I thought that half of me was gone forever or at least taking a very long nap.   I would definetly recommened this to anyone that needs help with starting over.

I have started going to see a doctor recently.  It feels great to be established again.  Hopefully this will be the beginning of my body healing and adjusting back to life in society.  I have even joined a gym to exercise more.  It is wonderful to have my friend who has been amazing and keeping me accountable with well lots of things.  She and many others have been cheering me on when I thought I couldn’t mold back into the dream.

I have a great mom and family that has been keeping an eye on me from afar.  Thanks Mom, Dad, and Banananut.  My relatives have been cheering me on from all sides of the globe!  It has been great.  Plus when I am sharing pictures of my cooking adventures I have a great compliment waiting for me.

There is so much I want to share so hopefully this weekend will be a double hitter on the posting of the blogs.  Until then lets stay safe out there.  Please…

 

Sara

The land of dreams.

With a full schedule that keeps growing I am feeling confident and trying to keep up with life.  For another 4 weeks I am completing my retail training and then added getting healthy over that.  I tell you this is quite a load that I am learning to handle.  With my support group in hand (Magic Mirror Comics) and of course my ever-growing friends and family (Yay extended family!).  I am living the dream that I was hoping a year ago.

Gradually I am refreshing my skills and trying to keep up with the times.  Being away for a few years and things can get interesting when you are doing this in a few months.  So I am closing this post with an invitation to follow me on my Facebook page and also Twitter account.  You will get more updated info on what I have been doing and well more.  This truly is how I am starting over….

Cia,

Princess Happiness aka Sara Gamachu

LinkedIn

@Sara Mahlet on Twitter

Facebook

Sara Gamachu, blogger

Emotional

As I was reading the comments that from the last few months I felt a twinge of pride because I have been reaching so many people.  I couldn’t believe how much easier it became to actually reply to them in real time.  My goal for the next few months is to get respond to as many as I can.  Weather it is through my posts or even my Facebook page.

To think its been a while since I did some proper posts and now I am slowly getting the hang of it again.  Some will be updates, others might be shares, and even a picture or two.  I just want to keep reaching people and giving them hope that yes they can live and keep living after various situations.

Have a wonderful weekend!

 

@SaraMahlet

Take care of yourself. A chapter in the training ground series. 😊

For the first time I am taking the steps I needed to actually do this. Between learning how to cook and bake things. To going out and talking with people in real life.  These are things people do.  A few weeks ago I began taking bus rides in my area. I felt so excited and nervous. It was also a milestone because that was how I traveled for many years.  Walking and riding the bus in the greater Seattle area.

It has been brought to my attention by various people in my journey in life that I didn’t know how to drive.  Well up until recently I was ashamed of that fact.  I joke that my father felt that I shouldn’t because it took a lot of concentration to be able to keep my eye on the road and not get into an accident or anything of the sort.  So from 12th grade on I practiced the art of taking the bus.  It started around the White Center area where we were living when.  I learned to memorize the routes and landmarks so I could get to school and home without needing too much help.  I was lucky that my school was on a community college site and that one bus when back and forth in my neighborhood.  This began my need to get around without asking for a ride.  Sure at times I needed help but the thrill of knowing where to go and how to get there was a strong feeling.  It got to the point that I was giving people advice on how to get to and from places.  Now that is powerful.  During my separation and into my divorce part of my life I had to learn from scratch to I could have my son ready to be picked up from our apartment area down to work and back before he got home.  I started adding the taxi system at this point because it was a new area and I needed that extra confidence that things would work out.

So even though in some ways I am a little behind the curve… that didn’t mean I couldn’t make up the distance in other ways.  Imagine my joy when these smart devices came out.  I finally was able to get real-time information at just a click speed.  So thus ends this chapter of my training life.  Join me next time as we learn how I am getting back on my feet.

 

Until then take care of yourself so you can take care of others!

 

Sara

Little by little

I am coming back to my online persona.  I am letting Sara say things that shouldn’t be silent anymore.  I was pro-disabled rights and now more than ever.  I was someone that was emotionally wounded and now I am recovering.  I surround myself with people who want me to achieve my goals.  I am learning how to cook, bake, and genuinely love myself again.  For a long time I didn’t realize who I was and wanted to be.  I just wanted to keep up with my peers and others in my life.

It has taken me this long to want to be myself whatever that might be.  I got to tell you starting over is tough.  But one of my best liked posts was about my Training ground in my native land.  Now I am in my next step trying to relearn everything I couldn’t understand in the past.

I have got to do this not only for myself… but also for my son.  He is the reason I fight so hard with myself to make a difference for him and others just like him.  I haven’t seen Wonder Woman yet… but trust me its on my list of must sees.  I did though see Rouge One and felt empowered afterwards.  Yes I can became my motto in life.  Don’t give up became my mantra.

So I will keep up these online blogs to let my fans know that yes Molly/Sara is still standing.

Sharing:  NaNoWriMo Advice

For those taking on the challenge.  Bon chance!

@SaraMahlet

Okay, so I know that right now quite a lot of folks are trying to write a grand total of fifty thousand words. Some are stuck, while some feel they’re going nowhere. If you’re attempting to write a novel during the month of November, here’s some writing advice:

http://cristianmihai.net/2017/11/05/nanowrimo-advice/

Sharing:  Musings

Carpe Diem!  Seize the day!

Sara

Some venerate their dreams by waiting years for the just-right circumstance, the just-right alignment of opportunity.  If that produces something worthwhile, then by all means, do it that way.  But more often than not—from what I’ve seen—it doesn’t.  I don’t believe the best way to honor my dreams is to anxiously wait, hoping for the […]

http://dirtyscifibuddha.com/2017/09/22/musings-834/