Monday Thoughts: Its okay to ask for help.

Its the first Monday in July and my heart was a flutter.  What all could I do to improve myself.  Well first on my mind was to make a few calls that I decided to put off to today what I couldn’t do last Friday.  My mind told me it was probably going to be a long weekend since a holiday was coming up.  I suddenly realized it would be my first 4th of July back in the States.  Wow the last time I did this was back in 2013.

I didn’t allow myself to feel bad that I couldn’t really remember the last time.  My memory was a little hazy with the medicine I had been taking to help with my anxiety at that time.  I knew that my son was with me and it would be our first and last holiday together in a very long time.  I recalled the year before how I was trying to blow up his swimming accessory tube so he could go playing in the pool with his cousin.  As hard as I blew it just wouldn’t do it.  I finally asked his father to help since my breath was not strong enough.  I knew as this memory taunted me I felt the anger that I couldn’t do something as simple as that.  Than I had to tell myself that it wasn’t my fault that I did try and that took guts.  Remember Molly you did as for help.  It wasn’t your fault that you were taunted for not being able to do something.

Just asking for help is a huge thing reader.  Just think how many people actually ask for help when they know they can’t do something.  As yourself that next time someone asks you to help them.

Fast forward to today.  I knew the last few weeks had been hard for me.  I was lucky I had a support group who recognized when I needed help.  Just raising your hand or making that phone call to get a specialist that takes courage from the person.  They are their to answer your question.  There is no stupid questions.  That is what so many people have told me.  I just had to trust myself to have the courage to say, “Excuse me do you have my current information on file?”  It can mean less embarrassment or anxiety when you go to that appointment.

Thank you for reading and that is my thought for Monday, July 2nd 2018.

 

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Lately

Would they understand the new me that wants to make a change.

Would they understand that I wanted to succeed in my life and goals.

A year ago I was dealing with traveling in a different country than what I grew up in.

People expected so much and I just couldn’t live up to the expectations.

It got to be so hard that I spent a lot of time in my room wondering dreaming of a life.

I wasn’t sure if I could succeed in whatever might come my way.

I used to dream about having my own place and just enjoying myself.

Having people over and just living life just as it would be.

I would feel awkward when people asked about my son.

What could I say… I hope so.

You might wonder why I have been so quiet and reserved about him.

Because he is innocently brought into this world.

I can’t remember a lot of things.  What my heart and mind allow I am thankful for each memory.

Snuggling up to me after school…. that is what I remember the most.

Patting my head in that special way to say I love you mom.

I am trying to find my confidence that I lost a long the way.

When asked about my American accent with an Ethiopian body… I just respond that my accent got lost along the way of the Atlantic Ocean during my travels abroad.

As I ponder the thought of turning another year older I wonder about those days.

Walking around the Seahurst Beach and wading my feet into the cold water.

One of the few moments I have on video is my son reliving those same memories.

Only my dad was trying to keep him from the water and get too wet on a fall day.

Last day of September.

It is the last day of September. I am feeling pretty good today. I have been listening to songs via Youtube. I decided to challenge myself 2 post per week this coming month.  Each entry will be more honest and true to myself. I chose to start over my life when I left a very bad relationship. Through it all I look in my son’s eyes and say you deserve better. You deserve a mom who stands up for what she believes in. A mom who loves singing and dancing. A mom who will teach you the ABC’s and 123’s. Each color will have a special meaning in your life. From red stawberries to purple grapes. Your mommy will teach you everyday.

Yes its the end of September, but this October I will write a book of memories that will help you in your young life.