Take a deep breath and just dream. An entry from Sara’s Thoughts.

I started this a few days ago and decided to just put it on hold for when I could write it the only way I could or would be able to.

 

A year ago I was walking around my little walkabout in Holeta wondering what it would be like to get back to the States.  I kept reminding myself that yes it could happen.  Just didn’t know when.  I knew I would have some hurdles to jump over like where would I stay, what would I do, and mainly how to get the help that I need.  I knew from past experiences that ADD was my friend and Stress and Anxiety were my reminders.  They were like sisters that wanted to help me but needed to be provided in the right direction.  Yes, they reminded me of what I could and could not do.  They also taught me how to dream.  All the things I could wish to do like cook, take care of myself, and naturally see my son again in some way.

Since then I took my steps towards my healing.  Getting signed up for help from the State to get food, medical, and other things I didn’t even think of.  I then enrolled in a job training program that helped awaken my retail memories in various steps.  After the few jobs that I have had this year, I realized something.  I was not the type that could sell things.  I could suggest them and give tips.  I was more comfortable being the support staff.  At the spa, I realized the scanning information became something I could do.  Entering the information was another thing that gave me joy.  “Would you like tea or water?”  Making the coconut water in the morning went from a step by step motion to something that became naturally.

Now I am back at my drawing board deciding what my next venture would be.  I knew for sure a desk job would be ideal.  Work in an office environment would be wonderful because I would be using my office skills.  My Worksource case manager and several others are giving me lead on where to apply.  I am just thinking through and picturing myself in each scenario to see if it would be the right place for me.

If there is one thing about me that you might have noticed is that I don’t give up so easily.  I may take time to think (or over-think I admit) things through.  It would save me and others time to make sure the choice is a right one.

Little by little

I am coming back to my online persona.  I am letting Sara say things that shouldn’t be silent anymore.  I was pro-disabled rights and now more than ever.  I was someone that was emotionally wounded and now I am recovering.  I surround myself with people who want me to achieve my goals.  I am learning how to cook, bake, and genuinely love myself again.  For a long time I didn’t realize who I was and wanted to be.  I just wanted to keep up with my peers and others in my life.

It has taken me this long to want to be myself whatever that might be.  I got to tell you starting over is tough.  But one of my best liked posts was about my Training ground in my native land.  Now I am in my next step trying to relearn everything I couldn’t understand in the past.

I have got to do this not only for myself… but also for my son.  He is the reason I fight so hard with myself to make a difference for him and others just like him.  I haven’t seen Wonder Woman yet… but trust me its on my list of must sees.  I did though see Rouge One and felt empowered afterwards.  Yes I can became my motto in life.  Don’t give up became my mantra.

So I will keep up these online blogs to let my fans know that yes Molly/Sara is still standing.

Sharing: 20 Irreplaceable Life Lessons I’ve Learned From My Gemini Mom

Great advice.

Sara

Dakota CorbinAlways late in picking me up from school, or my ballet class, mum was always busy, running around errands, even for people she barely knew. At a certain point in my childhood, I started feeling neglected. Still, I had a mum who was active, played like a kid, and who at times would totally…

https://thoughtcatalog.com/marianna-sharktooth/2017/09/20-irreplaceable-life-lessons-ive-learned-from-my-gemini-mom/

Sharing:  A Letter To The Woman Who Thinks She’s Too Fat To Be Loved

We are all loved no matter what we look like. 👸 Sara

Unsplash / Zach GuintaYour worth is not tied to a number on the scale. You’ve grown to believe that your worth correlates with whatever number is on the scale. The lower the number, the more worthy you believe you are. When the numbers start to swing the other direction, your self-worth plummets. This mindset is…

http://thoughtcatalog.com/ginelle-testa/2017/08/a-letter-to-the-woman-who-thinks-shes-too-fat-to-be-loved/

Sharing:  Excerpt from My Forthcoming Chapbook

A shoutout to Robert a  great blogger.  I wish you success with your upcoming book! 🎆Sara

…Red, like your favorite sky, the in-between, the misplaced one. From “I Have Answers,” in From Every Moment a Second, available for prepublication order via Finishing Line Press.

http://robertokaji.com/2017/06/20/excerpt-from-my-forthcoming-chapbook/