Choosing to take care of myself. Part 1
I know it’s just October, but this year has been choosy so far.
As you know twice a week (with occasional breaks) I have helped my mom volunteer at Cheshire. I am the tech ninja who sets up the audio-visual items we use. That means playing the movies and making sure the speakers are clear sounding. We use our own equipment except for the television. I can’t just trust anybody to do this except for my dad.
I was approached to help them with their equipment and teaching the patients. As my mentor Mary, would say “Don’t take a bigger bite than you can handle.” I was reminded about a chance to contribute to a local hospitality magazine.
I had to ask my mom for advice because I honestly didn’t know the cultural response and if it was right for me. I ended up not going with either offers. In fact, it pushed me towards to blog more. It was something I could handle.
The whole reason I took this trip was to rebuild my confidence and heal from the wounds of my life choices. For a long time, the bad stress took over and I needed to find myself once more.
I was in the early stages of being stay at home mom and military spouse. I couldn’t go to mommy and me programs/meetings because I couldn’t drive. Too scared and ashamed I took to the net searching for others. Hoping to find some support during this time of life.
I tried Blogger and got locked out of Tumblr. So to WordPress I came with my hopes and dreams. I wanted to find a community that didn’t judge me for being different.
I couldn’t breast feed because the stress just couldn’t keep up. I was ashamed that I looked at the breast pump and couldn’t get it. Shouldn’t there be some support group for this? I dealt with the shame of going to the hospital nurse for advice to feed my own baby. I tried the teas to help me relax and make milk. I even watched things to just relax.
At one point I was visiting my family and broke down crying because I felt like a bad mom. My my mom soothed my worries by telling me I wasn’t the only person to go through this. She advised me to to continue the breast milk and formula combination and do my best. That was exactly what I did.
Outside of a few close people I didn’t share the ups and downs of motherhood. Thinking I was the only one I decided to journal as much as I could remember so I could share with others hoping to find a someone that could get me.
This is what I needed before. Spreading the news for those who need it now.
Illustration by Daniella Urdinlaiz 1. ANXIETY IS THE MOST COMMON MENTAL DISORDER IN THE USA An estimated 40 million American adults suffer from some form of anxiety disorder—even more than those who suffer from depression. About one in every five adults and one in every ten children experiences some form of anxiety disorder. (source) 2.…
Laughter is a great medicine.
You gave that to me.
A listening ear during my hard times.
You gave that to me too.
I had 2 people give me their blessing to make this trip.
Do whatever it takes bring back our Molly.
So Jaime and Jenny this is for you.
Your words of comfort made me let go of the shame. I am still Molly one and the same.
Stress and Anxiety are my friends and enemies. But I have people hoping and praying that you will not overtake me. Even on my hardest days.