Choosing to take care of myself. Part 1
I know it’s just October, but this year has been choosy so far.
As you know twice a week (with occasional breaks) I have helped my mom volunteer at Cheshire. I am the tech ninja who sets up the audio-visual items we use. That means playing the movies and making sure the speakers are clear sounding. We use our own equipment except for the television. I can’t just trust anybody to do this except for my dad.
I was approached to help them with their equipment and teaching the patients. As my mentor Mary, would say “Don’t take a bigger bite than you can handle.” I was reminded about a chance to contribute to a local hospitality magazine.
I had to ask my mom for advice because I honestly didn’t know the cultural response and if it was right for me. I ended up not going with either offers. In fact, it pushed me towards to blog more. It was something I could handle.
The whole reason I took this trip was to rebuild my confidence and heal from the wounds of my life choices. For a long time, the bad stress took over and I needed to find myself once more.
I was in the early stages of being stay at home mom and military spouse. I couldn’t go to mommy and me programs/meetings because I couldn’t drive. Too scared and ashamed I took to the net searching for others. Hoping to find some support during this time of life.
I tried Blogger and got locked out of Tumblr. So to WordPress I came with my hopes and dreams. I wanted to find a community that didn’t judge me for being different.
I couldn’t breast feed because the stress just couldn’t keep up. I was ashamed that I looked at the breast pump and couldn’t get it. Shouldn’t there be some support group for this? I dealt with the shame of going to the hospital nurse for advice to feed my own baby. I tried the teas to help me relax and make milk. I even watched things to just relax.
At one point I was visiting my family and broke down crying because I felt like a bad mom. My my mom soothed my worries by telling me I wasn’t the only person to go through this. She advised me to to continue the breast milk and formula combination and do my best. That was exactly what I did.
Outside of a few close people I didn’t share the ups and downs of motherhood. Thinking I was the only one I decided to journal as much as I could remember so I could share with others hoping to find a someone that could get me.